LOKI
by labellily
Summary: It's the same old story with a little twist. Usagi gets betrayed by the Scouts, but this time she's faced with a deal: come to Purgatory as Loki, Incarnation of Mischief, or return to her old life. She picks the first, and all hell breaks loose.
1. Default Chapter

LOKI  
  
I was considered spoiled. I was thought to be selfish. I was thought to be nothing more than a pretty face with blue eyes. I suppose they might have been right, too.  
  
But as I ran blindly through the rain and the biting air I couldn't help but think that maybe I was more than that. Honestly, I don't know. I've been the center of everything for so long, I couldn't seem to grasp the concept that everything that defined me has been uprooted and thrown into chaos.  
  
I lifted my eyes to the sky tears streaking down my cheeks, mixing with the rain. Lighting lit the sky briefly, but I didn't care. How could I? My life was totally ruined. There was nothing for me to live for anymore.  
  
"That, my dear, I untrue."  
  
I whirled, and came face to face with a woman. She was smiling softly at me, as if laughing about a private joke that I knew nothing about. She wore an expensive looking dress and had an otherworldly quality about her. Other than that, she looked rather ordinary. She was comfortably plump and had the tell-tale signs of age on her face.  
  
I took an involuntary step back. "Who are you?"  
  
She smiled again. Then I noticed that she wasn't wet. I took another step backwards.  
  
"I am Lachesis, an Aspect of Fate. An Incarnation."  
  
Revulsion grew in my belly. "No! Leave me alone! All I want is to die! There is nothing left for me here!"  
  
Lachesis nodded, as if this was the answer that she was expecting. "Yes, I know. But you needn't die. Life has made a very good investment in you, child. Don't you want to see this investment paid off?"  
  
I swallowed, very nearly approaching the feeling that I was going to accept whatever offer she was going to throw at me.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"You know of the five Incarnations, correct?"  
  
I nodded. "Yes…who doesn't? There's Fate, Time, War, Death, and Nature. Then there are the Eternals, God and Satan. But what does that have to do with me?"  
  
She smiled again, that smile that was reserved for dealing with errant children. "My dear, it is simply this. Loki has resigned, and we need another. We have chosen you."  
  
I blinked, all my past woes disappearing. "You want…me? Why? I'm just a silly girl that was deluded into thinking that my whole life was cast in stone!"  
  
Lachesis nodded slightly. "We have examined your thread carefully, and you are not destined for all that silly nonsense that you and your mother were dabbling in. It's virtually impossible. For one thing, Satan wouldn't allow it. Loki wouldn't allow it. I dare say, Mars wouldn't be very happy either. But that is irrelevant. Do you accept?"  
  
I swallowed hard, and then said the one word that would change my life forever.  
  
"Yes."  
  
  
  
I have to say, I wasn't exactly ready for the whirlwind of events. A girl appeared and whacked me upside the head, and then lost her fairy wings and green orb on her forehead. After she did that, she simply walked away. I turned to Lachesis, who was watching me with slight amusement.  
  
"Who was that?" I asked in astonishment.  
  
"That, my dear, was Loki. You are now."  
  
"Oh my monkey."  
  
She took my arm. "Alright, we need to go talk to your parents now."  
  
I gulped. "But~"  
  
"No buts about it, Loki. The Unnamed is already impatient for a new Loki."  
  
"Satan? Isn't he the Father of Evil?"  
  
"Yes, although I'm not sure who he is for the Japanese."  
  
"I don't have to talk to him, do I?"  
  
"Yes. He will try to win you over when different topics arise. Of course, so will the rest of us."  
  
Suddenly she became Clotho, the stunningly beautiful woman with blue tinted green hair and pink eyes. "I'm Clotho."  
  
I'm sure my shock showed clearly on my face. "What happened to Lachesis?" I cried, sure something horrible had occurred.  
  
She smiled. "Nothing, Loki. See, we are three different women in one body that can change forms. I used to be a woman named Sasami, Lachesis used to be my niece Achika, and Atropos was a woman called Caroline. But that's irrelevant. Come now, we must see your family."  
  
My shoulders sagged. Was she crazy? My dad's favorite toys were his shotgun and shovel! But then again, she was immortal, being an Incarnation and all. But so am I. So would that make me immortal too? Or am I already immortal, being who I am? And why was I supposed to be Loki? I hardly had any mischievousness in me. Well, I kinda did as a child, but when I became a Senshi, it kinda disappeared.  
  
Nearly growling in frustration, I stomped after the beautiful Clotho.  
  
This was not turning out to be my day.  
  
  
  
Clotho didn't slow down once. She hummed a little as she walked, but aside from that she made no noise. It almost seemed as if she walked with clouds beneath her feet, to make her movement soundless. Of course, maybe it was just another benefit of being an Incarnation. I had no idea.  
  
Sooner than I would've liked, we were in front of my house. Clotho blinked, and was suddenly in a business suit. She knocked on my door. After a few moments, my father answered it. His eyes went right to me, and then over to Clotho. They stayed there.  
  
"What are you doing out here, dear? And who is this…er, nice lady with you?"  
  
Clotho bowed. "Konichiwa, sir. I am Tsunami Masaki. I am a foreign exchange manager. Your daughter has been chosen to be moved to Nerima where she will stay with the Tendos."  
  
My father, not being in any state to protest, nodded dumbly. "Hai, hai. Of course…"  
  
Clotho bowed again. "Agriato. We will be going now. Ja ne!"  
  
"Ja…"  
  
I felt almost put off by the resistance, or lack thereof, about letting me go. And who were the Tendos? In Nerima? That was where all the crazies lived, I knew that much.  
  
"Clotho, who are the Tendos?"  
  
She smiled. "They are a family from Nerima. The youngest daughter, Akane, is Thanatos' secretary. She died through an unfortunate accident that Satan managed to pull of without notifying either Chronos or me. That, generally, is what you are for. You are neither good nor evil. Loki is really kind of the middle between them. All of us will try to bribe you onto our side by means of extravagant gifts. You will choose between them, and choose whose side you are on for this particular issue." Clotho sighed and rubbed her temples. "It's always nerve-wracking getting a new Loki, because you're not quite sure what she likes. I need an Aspirin… Oh…there's another one I need to tell you about. Your tree's name is Bob."  
  
I looked at her warily. "I have a talking tree named Bob?"  
  
She flushed. "He is the result of another unfortunate accident. Thanatos' daughter, the Grim as she likes to call herself, has had some run-ins with Rex, Satan's great-grandson, Crys, Rex's cousin three-and-a-half times removed, and Will, the son of the God and Goddess of the Afterdeath."  
  
I grinned. "I'm going to get that whole story out of someone, one of these days."  
  
Clotho smiled in return. "I'm sure you will Loki, I'm sure you will."  
  
For some reason, this made me happier than I had been in a long time.  
  
  
  
After my slightly disappointing appointment with my father, Clotho became Lachesis again. I wasn't quite sure why, but I was more comfortable with the older woman, and I think Clotho knew. Maybe it was because she reminded me too much of Chibiusa, all sugary sweet. I felt a slight twisting in my gut, and knew suddenly that my mortality wasn't going to be the only thing changing with this position.  
  
But how much would I lose? How much would I cease to be me, and begin to be Loki? How much would I lose myself? And what would happen to the Senshi, with me gone? I decided that they wouldn't miss me.  
  
Lachesis seemed to realize that I was brooding, and left me alone. After a few moments, we stopped. I looked around, startled.  
  
"What are we here for?"  
  
We were standing in front of a forest. All I could tell from it so far, was that it was big, dark, and very scary looking. I was beginning to feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Only I was in a forest somewhere in Purgatory, while she was in Oz. Lucky her.  
  
Lachesis smiled. "Loki, this is your forest. I'll be leaving you now." She turned to go.  
  
"Wait!" I cried, and then pulled back.  
  
She looked at me expectantly. "Yes?"  
  
I bit my lip. I didn't want to sound like a coward, but I was scared to go of on my own. I had a feeling that if I went into there, I would never be me again.  
  
"I- I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll lose myself! I'm scared that when I come out, I won't be me anymore!"  
  
Lachesis smiled, and became Atropos. The old woman smiled at me. "Honey, if there ain't nothin' I learned from goin' from a simple ol' granny to a crazy old Atropos, it's that you're always yourself, hon. An' there ain't no one that can take that away from you. You can change so much that no one 'l recognize you, but you'll always be yourself." She winked. "Remember that. And if there was someone so mean to you that they made you believe that life wasn't worth living, you shouldn't hang on to the image of yourself that they know. Forget that life, koneko. It's pointless trying to please those who cannot be pleased."  
  
Then she became a spider and crawled away into the sky. I watched after her, stunned, and then nodded. I faced the forest and marched resolutely into it. Of course, me being me, I became so scared about five minutes in that I seriously considered nullifying this whole Loki thing right then. But then I thought about poor Bob, all alone, waiting for me to come, and my resolve strengthened.  
  
As I walked, I felt myself changing. I felt my body becoming physically perfect. I felt my mind clear, and my step lighten. Actually, it lightened so much that I leaped into the trees and bounced from tree to tree until I landed on one so massive that I knew it had to be Bob.  
  
The leaves rustled. "Who're you? You're not Loki."  
  
I gulped. "Well, actually, I am."  
  
The tree paused in it's rustling. "No, I don't think you are."  
  
I drew myself up in surprise. "Yes I am."  
  
"No you're not!"  
  
"Yes I am!"  
  
"Not!"  
  
"I am so!"  
  
"No you're not!"  
  
"Yes to infinity and beyond! Hah! Take that talking tree!"  
  
"Nyaaaahhhhhh!!!"  
  
I was impressed. He managed to put three exclamation marks in there. Then I realized that he was waiting for my comeback. I stuck my tongue out and glared at the branch I was standing on.  
  
"Nyyyyaaaaaahhhhh!!!!"  
  
The tree rustled in an impressed sort of way. I was proud of myself. Four exclamation marks! An accomplishment!  
  
To my surprise, a face formed in the trunk beside me. It stuck out its tongue.  
  
"Nyaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!"  
  
I was so impressed and shocked that it took several moments to collect myself enough to make a suitable retort.  
  
"Butt face!"  
  
"Snot nose!"  
  
"Booger butt!"  
  
"You nasty two-legger!"  
  
"You tree!"  
  
"Very observant of you, Loki," came a new voice.  
  
Even Bob looked startled, as we both turned to face the newcomer. It turned out to be a mean looking man in a skintight navy blue and black fighting ensemble and white boots with spiky black hair that defied gravity, coal black eyes, and a handsome face that was twisted into a smirk that I felt was his usual expression. He also carried a red sword at his side. He looked very powerful, I at least figured that much, as he landed on a branch across from me.  
  
Of course, me being in a newly clear mindset, free from the senshi and that burdensome fate, I did the thing I never would've done before. I said the first thing that came to my mind.  
  
"Can't you see we were engaged in a matter of utmost importance?"  
  
The man raised an eyebrow. "Is that so, Shorty?"  
  
Ooooohh…he was gonna get it! That meanie! I was gonna show him! I started crying. Wailing was more like it, actually.  
  
He sweat-dropped. "Weak chibi onna." He muttered.  
  
This made me cry harder. "You *sob* called me *sob* SHORTY! WHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  
  
Oh, I was really proud of myself now. I got six exclamation marks in that one! Then I found myself confronted with the tip of that red sword. I looked up. The kawaii man was growling at me, and trying to skewer me! Which wasn't very nice. Was he allowed to do that? My eyes widened, as I actually studied him. He frowned.  
  
"Nani?"  
  
I began giggling.  
  
He frowned. "Nande kuso, onna!"  
  
I laughed.  
  
He growled. "WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT?"  
  
I gasped, and in between my peals of laughter, I managed to get this general message across: "YOU'RE A KAWAII CHIBI BADDIE! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
This seemed to make him angry, even though I haven't a clue why. I get called short all the time! I told him so.  
  
"DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO, ONNA?"  
  
I plastered the dumbest smile I could onto my face.  
  
"Nope!" I replied cheerfully.  
  
"I AM VEGETA, PRINCE OF THE SAYINS, ALSO MARS, THE INCARNATION OF WAR!"  
  
I smiled politely. I thought that was what mother said to do, anyways. "I'm very pleased to meet you, Mr. Veggie. I'm, uh~"  
  
"There you are Loki! I've been looking everywhere for the prettiest girl around! The name's Thanatos, nice to meet you. So what's a babe like you doing in this position?"  
  
I looked at the branch that Vegetable had just vacated in favor of a good shot at my throat. There was a hooded skeleton. The blood drained from my face. It quickly rushed back up into my cheeks, though, when he took his cloak off to reveal a VERY kawaii man with indigo eyes and a long brown braid. He grinned at me.  
  
"It always makes me feel special when I can make a girl blush. I'm Thanatos, as you know, the Incarnation of Death. But Loki and the rest of us are usually on first name basis. I used to be Duo Maxwell, so that's what you can call me."  
  
He glanced over at Vegetable, who was still glaring at me. "Aw, leave her alone Mars! She didn't do anything."  
  
Vegetable growled. "SHE CALLED ME CHIBI!"  
  
"Well, I'm sure she *cough* didn't mean it."  
  
I sat up. "Oh yes I did!"  
  
Vegetable pointed at me. "SEE! SHE'S IMPOSSIBLE!"  
  
I shook my head. "No I'm not. I'm sitting right in front of you, so you can see for yourself that I'm very possible."  
  
Vegeta roared, and burst away into the sky. I looked up after him, and then back at Duo, who was making himself comfortable on my branch. He grinned at me.  
  
"So who were you, Loki?"  
  
I smiled, and flipped over so I could hang upside down from my branch. I didn't really care if my skirt went up or not. I grinned back at him. "I'm Loki now, and I'm glad to be that way. But I used to be a stupid girl blinded by an imposed destiny that wasn't really going to happen anyways."  
  
Duo sighed. "I feel your pain. Don't you hate those?"  
  
I nodded. "Yup. To answer your original question about how I came to be here, I was betrayed by the people I trusted most. They were mortals that thought they could control me. They were wrong," I said bitterly. Duo was silent, knowing that I needed to get this off my chest. "They used me, and then betrayed me."  
  
I righted herself, and then smiled with an effort. "Anyways, my name was Bunny. Usagi Tsukino."  
  
  
  
Okay, so I know this was a whole, huge change from what I was slated to do. My mom was probably blowing a holy gasket, and my unknown father was most likely laughing his damned head off. My personality had undergone a big change. Because I wasn't exactly forced to be Serenity anymore, I felt a lot freer. My heart felt like soaring through the skies, and I felt like flying. Hmm. I'd have to get Vegetable to show me how to do that.  
  
"Loki."  
  
A new voice. I looked up, aware that this voice had the slippery feeling of a good liar. I beheld a man with a dark complexion and black hair with little red horns. He had the well groomed quality of someone who had gotten rich off of selling lies. I had no idea how close I was to the truth.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
He smiled, once he knew that he had my attention. "So you are the new Loki. I must say, you are a great deal more beautiful than the previous one."  
  
Oookay…this was not cool. "What do you want?" I asked, probably more harshly than I would have liked. "For that matter, who are you?"  
  
"Yeah, turd-face!" yelled my tree.  
  
The man smiled thinly at my tree. Barely concealed malice lurked directly under that oily smile. Nope. I didn't like him one bit! And weren't the Incarnations supposed to be trying to get along with me, or something? Jezz, a girl can't get any respect.  
  
The man smiled again. "I, Pretty Lady, am Satan, Lord of Lies." He bowed. "I must say I am very pleased to make your acquaintance. You must be the most beautiful and gifted Incarnation I have ever laid eyes on."  
  
Ha! He thought he could win me over by compliments? Bah! I was stronger than that! (Okay, I blushed a little) Veggie was doing better that our buddy Satan! I smiled dazzlingly.  
  
"My dear man. Frankly, I don't give a damn about what you want to say. Go to Hell!" I yelled.  
  
He glowered at me, and then vanished in a puff of smoke. I coughed a few times, and waved it away. Now someone else was standing in front of me!  
  
I just couldn't take it any more! "JESUS, MARY, AND JOESPH! THE NEXT THING I TO THIS FOREST IS PUTTING UP A DETECTOR OR SOMETHING! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE COMING IN UNANNOUNCED!"  
  
The man looked mildly affronted. "Er…Loki? I was just going to say hello."  
  
"SURE! THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY!"  
  
"YEAH!" yelled my tree. I stamped my foot on his branch, and he fell quiet, muttering occasionally.  
  
The man looked uncertainly at the tree, but plunged ahead. "M- Miss Loki, my n- name is Chronos. B- but you can call me Ryoga."  
  
He was blushing so badly that I took pity on him. Who could resist that kawaii fanged face? I tilted my head to the side, and studied him. I instantly decided that he and Duo were tops.  
  
Well, we stayed and talked for a while longer, and then he left to go 'talk' to Sasami. Those extra marks around "talk" confused me at first, but I decided not to worry about it.  
  
Yawning slightly, I clambered up into the tree house and tumbled onto my bed, asleep before I hit the pillow.  
  
Some day, huh? 


	2. 

LOKI  
  
Satan growled as he watched the sleeping Loki. She looked just like a sleeping angel, which was probably why he couldn't stand the sight of her. Her creamy face, shadowed by long, black eyelashes scrunched up in ... pain? Fear? Worry? Bah. What did it matter? She was just another pawn in his game.  
  
Upon further thought, he decided that peering into her dreams might give him better insight into what might give him a handle-hold on her. That brought him to another inconsistency.  
  
The previous Loki had responded well to his flattering, and had been mostly under his sway. Regretfully she saw the light in the moment that he had needed her most, and he had been forced to trick her out of office. Maybe this Loki had some rough times with sweet-talking men, or maybe she was simply a better judge of character. He did not know, but he was determined to find out.  
  
He sent the first tendril of magic into her mind, and then secured it on a prominent image in her dream. Then he pulled himself into the dream slowly, so he wouldn't jar her from sleep.  
  
"Princess Serenity, it is your duty to the Empire to protect it by forming a strong political marriage. It matters not how you think or feel, women are simply possessions in the eyes of men. You need to learn how to control things from that vantage point, and Serenity, it will not be in the way you like. Until you learn the powers you hold as a woman, you will be a possession, a pretty trophy to hang on some man's wall, and you will remain that way. Learn, Serenity. How you manipulate Prince Endymion I care not. You will marry the Prince of Earth."  
  
A beautiful girl, young woman actually, curtsied deeply. "Yes Mother," came the whispered submission through rose petal lips.  
  
Suddenly he was on an island, watching as a handsome man pushed the protesting Loki into a large ship. Her fingers grasped at his cloak, but never made contact.  
  
"Sister, you must carry the Heart of Atlantis with you! You are our only hope! In you is the legacy of our great Empire that came crashing down because we failed to heed the warnings of an old man! You must survive! You must live on! If not for yourself, then for Atlantis! For Father! For me!"  
  
She cried out as the ship left the harbor. The ship was nearly capsized several times, and once, only once, when they were riding the top of the wave, the girl was given a bird's eye view of her home, her dear Atlantis beings swallowed by the angry Sea. The scream of sorrow that erupted from her throat was quickly cut short by the wave that rolled across the deck. After that, the only thing you could hear was the song of the mermaids, welcoming the strange new playground into their sea.  
  
The scene changed from the bottom of the sea to a palace, this time an airy place sprawling across the seaside. Salty air brushed against creamy skin that he was beginning to recognize. A hand fell heavily on her shoulder, and she spun around to face a man. He was old, but had a kindly look about him.  
  
"Daughter, I recognize how much you do not wish me to marry this Lady, but it is my duty as King of the Minoans to keep the peace. Her family is strong enough to launch a way that would suck the gold from out treasury like the gods pull the ocean from out shores. If this happened, our country would split and we would collapse into civil war. Then the gods would take sides, and that would cause the very earth to shatter. No, as much as I love you, my country comes first."  
  
"I understand," she said softly.  
  
The images flashed faster and faster, finally coming to rest for the last time on a meadow, and a little girl playing there. A woman came into the meadow, and smiled at the girl. The little Loki didn't see her, not even when the exotic woman came and laid her hand on the blonde child's head.  
  
"Little One, you have lives several lives. In all you were duty bound to protect your name and country at all costs. From this you will have great loyalty. From your past sorrow you will have depth. And from this small encounter with my meadow and me you will always have the knowledge that no matter how horrible your life may get, sunshine will always come."  
  
She slowly faded away. The melancholy look lifted from the lass' face, and she giggled chasing a butterfly.  
  
Satan gasped as he wrenched himself from the dream, or nightmare as it could have been. He scowled. All it proved was that Loki was not the airhead that he had thought she was, and that he would have to step lightly around her. He thought back reflectively on the men he had seen, and then slowly assumed a new form. Young. Well formed. Dark eyes. Black hair, preferably pulled back into a ponytail. When his modifications were complete, he viewed himself in the mirror, and was disquieted to see a mirror image of his human self. Now a name. Ah, what was the harm in using his own? Chang Wufei would work splendidly.  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD!" a voice roared in my ear.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
I clutched the bed-sheets to my chest and stared at the grotesque, smiling face of my tree. That was so not the way to start out a day. I mean really. Waking up after a series of nightmares and staring into a hideous face like his? What can I say? I screamed again.  
  
Bob glowered at me. "Well you don't have to get that worked up about it."  
  
I laughed shakily and pulled myself out of bed. "Bob, you'd make anyone scream at any time of the day."  
  
There was a snort from behind me. "It seems you and your tree aren't very comfortable together."  
  
I groaned inwardly. Veggie. I turned around hopping on one leg while trying to shove it into one pant-leg.  
  
"Veggie, you're not very nice."  
  
He smirked. "So nice to hear. Now come on."  
  
I glared at him. "Why should I?"  
  
"Because I'm going to train you."  
  
He was my new best friend! "I LOVE YOU VEGGIE-KUN!"  
  
"I certainly hope not," he growled.  
  
I didn't care if he was Satan Himself! I was going to lean how to fly! 


	3. 

LOKI  
  
A Note: I'm feeling so touched! Everyone loves me! ::big, sparkly eyes::  
  
Muse: No, they love your story.  
  
Me: Oh. ::sweatdrops:: Right.  
  
Muse: ::rolls eyes::  
  
Me: On with the story!  
  
The story thus far:  
  
Usagi has been given a chance to chill with the gods (Incarnations), and she takes it. In her forest in Purgatory she meets several of the Incarnations, and discovers that they're as normal as someone who's…not normal…can get. Some are mean, (Veggie-kun), some are sly (Wufei/Satan), and some are total hotties (Duo-koi!) Usagi's life rocks! But our bunny can't help but wonder how her esteemed mother is taking all of it.  
  
The real story:  
  
"SHE DID WHAT?"  
  
The shriek resounded through the small castle, making servants cover their ears and sorely wish they weren't in debt to Lady Pluto, so they wouldn't have had to serve Queen Selenity to pay that debt off.  
  
Anyways, back to the scene of terror. The servant cringed under the wrath of the serene (not so!) Megami no Tsuki. He drew a deep breath and began again.  
  
"It is one's most humble duty to inform Your Majesty that her heir has become an Incarnation, thereby denouncing any claim to the throne."  
  
He pressed his forehead closer to the floor, wondering if maybe he could escape her rage by sinking through the floor. Hmm. It wasn't working. It seems that people can't sink. Pity.  
  
Above him, Selenity was still shrieking and stomping like an ogress. That wasn't very nice, he reprimanded himself. Entirely true, though, his personal demon snickered.  
  
Selenity gave another scream of fury right as Lady Pluto appeared in the decorative room. She glared at the Queen.  
  
"Just what is the meaning of this? The time streams have been shuddering for the last half hour! And leave the poor man alone for heaven's sake!"  
  
The Queen promptly burst into tears, for once totally losing her cool. "Princess Serenity has gone racing off into Purgatory when she should be safe in Tokyo with Endymion! I don't know how that Lachesis found her, but she did, and now all my carefully laid out plans for Serenity are GONE! When I get my hands on whoever told Lachesis~"  
  
"It was me, Majesty." Pluto said calmly. "I decided that Endymion and Mars were going to revolt anyhow, so it was better to sever the link now, and save her life in the process."  
  
Queen Selenity drew herself up. "I demand that you take her from her office right this instant!"  
  
Pluto smiled, almost mockingly. "I can't do that, Selenity. First, Usagi wouldn't want to, and second, Mars would hardly let her leave."  
  
Queen Selenity scowled. "Where are they? I'm sure this 'Mars' will be humbled once he sees me!"  
  
Pluto looked at her Queen stonily. "They are in a clearing by Bob."  
  
Selenity huffed, and disappeared. Pluto promptly waved up a far-sight orb to see the fireworks.  
  
Back to our Usa:  
  
The forest looked so serene. It's leaves were the most beautiful shade of green imaginable. When there were flowers, they were always rich in color. Bright yellows, blues, and reds were strewn across the huge clearing. Of course, so was I. I glared at Vegetable again, and dragged myself to my feet. There was no way Loki was gonna be beaten up by some pipsqueak almost as short as she was!  
  
"I AM NOT GONNA BE TAKEN DOWN BY A PIPSQUEAK!"  
  
Veggie's face became an interesting shade of purple. Was that even a color? I watched on, fascinated as his face went through all kinds of hideous contortions. For a kawaii chibi-baka, he sure made some funny faces. You'd think he was mad or something.  
  
"I AM NOT A PIPSQUEAK, BAKA ONNA! PREPARE FOR THE WRATH OF A SAYIN! BIG BANG!"  
  
I shrieked and leaped into the air. "That wasn't fair! Twilight Cannon!"  
  
A huge ball of ki ripped out of my hands and slammed into Veggie's stomach. I stared at him, and then at my hands.  
  
"Cool! I didn't know I could do that!"  
  
Veggie smiled. Ooookay, that's not cool. That smile…uh-uh. No way.  
  
"You've learned the form. You can use ki." He smirked. "You know how to fly."  
  
I cringed. That hadn't been fun. He had dropped me off of a cliff.  
  
"So let's spar."  
  
I winced. I was going to hurt tomorrow. Oh well! I needed to learn sometime!  
  
He flew at me with a punch. I ducked it, and swung at his jaw. He phased out. I cursed, and flipped into the air, narrowly avoiding a red-gold ki blast. I yelled something incoherent, and suddenly another blast sped at Veggie. He leaped upwards, and it missed him. I didn't even notice his kick coming at me until I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I crumpled.  
  
He dove in for the finishing blow when…:  
  
"SERENITY! WHAT IN SELENE'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?"  
  
I froze. My heart filled with unholy terror. It was my mother! Vegetable stood, dropped me, and turned to face the fuming Queen.  
  
"What does it look like she's doing, baka-onna?"  
  
Mother gasped. "How dare you speak to me like that? I am Queen Selenity of the Moon Kingdom, and I demand that you leave my daughter alone!"  
  
Vegetable looked at me askance. "You're her daughter?"  
  
I scratched the back of my head and nodded sheepishly. "Yup."  
  
He shrugged. "Well, it is of little importance to me, the mighty Prince of the Sayins!"  
  
Mother scowled. "I don't care if you're God! I want my daughter back!"  
  
"I'm training her woman!"  
  
My tree decided to enter the argument. "Yeah snot-nose! She's being trained! You can't have her! NYAAAAHHHH!!!!"  
  
Mother looked positively furious. She turned to me and smiled sweetly. "Dear, don't you want to go back to your dear Endymion?"  
  
I gagged. "NO!" Then I let fly some phrases that I had learned just that day.  
  
Mother turned green. Her expression darkened, and she smiled tightly. "It is your destiny to marry Endymion, have Chibiusa, and then become Cosmos. Dare you defy destiny?"  
  
I shrugged nonchalantly, even though I felt like strangling the woman. "Lachesis says that Crystal Tokyo's not going to happen, and I've decided to believe her. Anyways, I can only dump my office at the end of the trial term. I like being Loki, Mother. Now go away so I can train some more!"  
  
Mother opened her mouth to say something, when another voice cut in.  
  
"Ma'am, I was instructed by Thanatos to tell you to 'go the hell away and leave Loki alone'."  
  
Everyone turned to see a well-muscled girl with short, dark blue hair and dark eyes. She was wearing a fighting gi. She smiled and bowed slightly.  
  
Mother was even madder now. "And just who do you think you are?"  
  
"I'm Akane Tendo, Thanatos' secretary. Oh, Loki, I have a message for you as well. Gaea requests you presence. Here is your guide," she said gesturing to a tiny fairy. "Have a nice day!"  
  
She disappeared. I blinked, and Veggie-kun scowled.  
  
"We'll continue tomorrow."  
  
I hugged him, oblivious to Mother's protests. "Agriato, Veggie-kun!"  
  
The fairy shrieked at me, and then zoomed off. I leaped into the air, waved back at Veggie and Mother, and sped after it.  
  
So I was finally going to meet Mother Nature, huh?  
  
Cool, I thought grinning as I blasted after the laughing fairy. Way cool. 


	4. FOUR, OPEN THE DOOR!

LOKI  
  
CHAPTER FOUR  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I have to admit, by the time I finally got away from Gaea, or whoever she was, I was positively bursting at the seams with pent up energy. If someone had told me earlier about how damn hyper Loki was, I might have thought twice about the job. And then taken it just the same. Life was just too much fun to sit still, I saw that now. I had spent the first years of my life sitting (or at least standing still), waiting for someone else to make the decisions for me. Decisions that I could have made perfectly by myself. Stupid cat, I thought as I zoomed from tree branch to tree branch.  
  
Now, I am one of those people that have a curious habit of relying on my brain to guide me through life when I'm thinking, and therefore tend to leave my eyes out of the picture. Or, if that didn't make much sense, I don't watch where I'm going when I'm thinking. Or, I do, but the message gets hung up somewhere between my eyes, my feet, and my brain.  
  
As it happened, I was happily zooming through my forest on my way home, and I was thinking hard about what Gaea had told me. None of it had been very comforting, so I had gotten fidgety more quickly than I should have. She had said a great deal about Satan, flattery, dreams, and the condition of Earth, but I hadn't been paying too much attention. I had a disconcerting feeling that I was going to regret that lack of attention soon enough.  
  
But back to the present.  
  
So I was zooming though the forest, and of course, me being who I am, I ran into someone with an earth shattering thud and tumbled backwards until my back met the ground with yet another spectacular thud. I was just becoming one for special effects, wasn't I?  
  
I was focusing on bringing each laborious breath in when I heard a chuckle. A chuckle? A CHUCKLE? What right did who ever was laughing at me have to laugh? None! None at all! I dragged myself up off the ground and tried to glare at him. I say tried, because my glare didn't actually work out too well. I felt like I was supposed to be very angry with him, but I kept trying to drool. It wasn't the most flattering look, I can assure you of that.  
  
The man before me was obviously Chinese, and he stood like an egotistical jerk. Kind of life Veggie-kun, I thought abstractedly (while trying to glare, and trying NOT to drool). He had a finely toned body: not too buff, but not scrawny either. The man had these gorgeous dark brown eyes (I ignored the cold look), and black, black hair tied back in an insanely tight ponytail.  
  
It did not escape my notice that he had horns on his head, although he was endeavoring to make them disappear. Satan, I thought glumly. And as if Gaea hadn't been enough bad news for me. Thanks, God.  
  
"Shut up," I commanded in my best royal voice. Surprisingly, it actually sounded like the Royal Commanding Voice! I had never been able to master it before! This was cool!  
  
The man smiled soothingly. "Forgive the intrusion, but---"  
  
"Know what? SHUT UP!"  
  
He blinked. He obviously wasn't used to my methods yet. Oh Lordie, this was going to be FUN! He cleared his throat. "My name is---"  
  
"AH! NO! NO! SHUT UP!"  
  
"Will---"  
  
"NO!"  
  
I watched in satisfaction as his face slowly went beet red. He and Veggie were SO alike! It was amazing how alike they were! They were SO stiff that they got offended SO easily! It was almost pathetic how short their tempers were, really. I watched with great curiosity as his hands clenched and unclenched.  
  
Suddenly, without any warning at all, I burst into peals of laughter. I couldn't help myself! I really couldn't! I just saw him. with his black hair, black eyes, and RED face! It was so bright in contrast to the rest of him! This, of course, made him so much angrier.  
  
"WILL YOU SHUT UP ONNA?"  
  
I smiled placidly and laid down on my back. "Oh come on Veggie look-alike. Relax! You're so uptight your head's going to explode or something, and none of us want that," I said picking at the grass by my hand. It was so green..  
  
"Why are so infuriating?" he asked stiffly.  
  
As if I knew! It was a disease or something. God, he actually expected me to know? Did anyone know why they were annoying? Well, I decided, there could be ONE reason. "Yeah," I said finally, "I guess I'm so annoying because there are people out there that are just so much fun to annoy! I can't help it that you're one of them. Really, it's not even my fault. If you don't want to take the blame for being so uptight, I guess you can blame either your mom or dad. They did, after all, raise you, and they say that you get your personality from the people and things around you. If your parents raised you to be all psychotic and uptight, that's totally not your fault. But I could turn that back on you, and say quite truthfully that it WAS however your fault that you haven't gotten around to changing your psychoticness and uptightness. But then you could turn that back on ME saying that maybe you were taught to be accepting of who you are, and then---"  
  
"Do you EVER shut up? You're almost as bad as that braided baka!" he shouted.  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
He blinked at the sudden change in topic. Oh, this was too much fun. Too much fun.. I spontaneously decided to give him a break. He looked like he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.  
  
"I'm Loki, as you better know. You're Satan. Care for some tea?"  
  
I stood up and stretched, completely oblivious to Satan's semi-admiring stare. If I had seen it I would have run away screaming in terror. An admiring Satan is never a safe Satan. But what I was about to do was my favorite thing that came from being Loki.  
  
"Wait," he said before I could push off, "how did you---"  
  
"You have your horns, m' dear," I said with a giggle.  
  
Within the blink of an eye I had bunched my legs and rocketed off the ground like a beam of light into the trees. I suddenly realized that I was going pretty damn fast as the tiny twigs and leaves rushed against my face. I shot out of the treetop line and did a pike dive back into the trees. I slammed into a branch feet first, rebounded onto another, and then got my leap rhythm down.  
  
Bob shouted in terror when I threw myself headfirst off one of the top tree branches. I freefell, laughing delightedly, grabbed a hold of one of Bob's branches and did a few flips over it until my speed slowed down enough to prolong my death for another few minutes.  
  
"DON'T DO THAT!" he roared at me.  
  
Ignoring him, I stuffed a few mugs, spoons, a thermos of hot water, and some tea bags into a ragged brown bag. I finally looked up at the terrified looking face.  
  
"Why? Didn't the old Loki do that?"  
  
"NO! SHE USED TO BOUNCE SEMI-QUICKLY INTO THIS HOUSE! SHE WOULD NEVER FREEFALL FOR FIFTY FEET TOWARDS A QUICK DEATH!"  
  
Well that was interesting. Seemed I was an oddity even here. "Well," I said with a laugh, "get used to it, because that little stunt I did there was FUN!"  
  
"Oh dear Lord," Bob said fervently.  
  
I laughed, feeling great again. Then I remembered the man that I left standing in shock in the middle of my least favorite clearing, and giggled. KAWAII! Or, not kawaii specifically. Handsome might be a better word. Now, D-kun was kawaii. Ryo-kun was kawaii too. And even Veggie was kawaii, in his own special way. But this man? He was handsome. Like Mamoru had been handsome, even if he was an asshole of the worst kind. A CHEATING and BETRAYING asshole, he had been handsome. But this man WAS SATAN!, I reminded myself VERY firmly. It would not be good to even have a teensy bit of a crush on Satan. That would be like in Moulin Rouge with poor Christian falling on love with Satine. BAD! And I wouldn't even be in LOVE with him! Jesus Christ in a can, I thought dimly aware that Bob was shouting at me to NEVER EVER do that freefall again, if it was BAD to fall in love with a whore, how bad would it be to fall in love with the Devil?  
  
I decided to make it my lifelong goal to inform anyone and everyone that Satan was fun to annoy, but that you DO NOT fall in love with him.  
  
Smiling wickedly, I flashed a victory sign at Bob and shot into the air. I bounced back to the clearing in record time (as far as I was concerned) and was amazed to fin him still standing there, looking a little bit lost.  
  
"Oh-AYO!" I shouted in his ear.  
  
He leaped about of an eighth of the height I could jump, which was pretty damn high. I collapsed to the ground shaking with laughter. I had JUST finished up when he glared furiously at me, setting me off again.  
  
"I'm pretty sure I hate you," he informed me calmly.  
  
".. Oh, God, I'm sorry, it's just that you looked SO FUNNY! Oh, know what? I didn't catch your name!"  
  
"I was trying to tell you---"  
  
"That's a long name," I remarked, seeing what I could do to get him riled up again. That worked.  
  
"I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU MY NAME EARLIER, BUT YOU KEPT INTERRUPTING ME!" he bellowed.  
  
"And that's even longer," I said to fill the void that followed his declaration.  
  
"My name is Wufei Chang," he said finally.  
  
"Nice to meet you, Wufei Chang! I think I already introduced myself to you, but I'm not positive. Now, for the second time, would you like some tea?"  
  
He sighed in defeat. "Fine," he snapped.  
  
So Wufei and I were sitting in my least favorite clearing when I felt someone come into my forest. I slammed my mug down and rolled out of the way just in time to avoid getting stepped on by a gold sandaled foot.  
  
"Oh!" Someone said, sounding very contrite. "I'm very sorry! I'm still not very good at my landings, I'm afraid. I only just died a few years ago, much to my everlasting joy. Life was getting overly-traumatic. Oh dear Lord in Heaven! Wufei! Is that you?"  
  
I turned away from the shocked blonde angel thing to Wufei, who was standing at a good distance away from the angel. He glared at the newcomer in the way that Satan would glare at God---oh.  
  
"Now, now, now. No shedding of holy light, and no throwing of dark powers or whatever y'all do in that dumb war of yours. Now, if you don't mind me asking, who the bloody hell are you? You're in MY forest! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"  
  
Wufei snickered. "Not used to getting yelled at, are you Winner?"  
  
The blonde drew himself up regally. "I have no last name anymore. My name is Quatre, and I am one angel in God's heavenly host. Who, may I ask, are you?"  
  
I snorted. He HAD to be kidding, right? It was just stupid of him to walk into a place without knowing at least the name of who's land you were trespassing on. And he looked nice enough to be easily traumatized.  
  
"None of your damn business," I informed him with a large, sweet smile.  
  
He blinked, much like Wufei had. "But, I just want to know who you are," he said uncertainly.  
  
"Yeah, and you're a damn fool."  
  
"Well excuse me, but I'm just here to bring the new Loki a message from the Lord! So if you don't want to be cooperative, I'll have to find her myself!"  
  
Oh God, this was too easy. "Look no further, halo boy. I'm Loki. Now be a good angel and give me the message."  
  
But he hesitated. "I don't think it's you, personally. And I'm an arch- angel, so I have the authority to refuse you, you know. AND you're with Satan, which is a dead giveaway."  
  
I shrugged. "Fine. Go and look for Loki if you want. She'll be right here chatting comfortably with Satan, whom is a very fun person to tease. Did you know that?"  
  
Quatre sighed desolately, obviously still struggling with his decision. Life was never easy. But he was so kawaii, I was hard pressed to not go and hug him. Then it occurred to me: why shouldn't I? I WAS Loki after all. And I WAS a goddess, or something like it.  
  
So I threw my arms around him and squeezed tight. "Oh, it's okay, Quat- kun! Life isn't fair, but I'll be nice to you now! You just looked like so much fun to tease, I couldn't help it! Forgive me," I pleaded. I wondered excitedly what his eyes would look like if they softened up.  
  
His reaction was utterly amazing.  
  
The poor boy went beet red and began to stammer out something that sounded a lot like, "Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.."  
  
Quatre was praying to God that he would survive his first close encounter with the female kind. I couldn't believe it! Even I had made out with a few different guys (thank God Mamoru hadn't found her) so even I, Usagi Tsukino, the so called Golden Girl was less pure than this angel! How was that possible? How was it even imaginable? I took another peek at his bright blue eyes and platinum blonde hair and decided that he must have been a monk for him to look like that and still be pure.  
  
"Gomen, gomen," I lied cheerfully, patting him on the head. "I didn't know you were that sensitive! KAWAII! Um, but DO you forgive me? Please?"  
  
Quatre's face began to lose that cherry color, and he nodded after he had gotten himself back under control. "Of course. The Lord preaches forgiveness," he seemed to remind himself.  
  
Gee, thanks, I thought sarcastically. HE wouldn't have forgiven me, but GOD would have, so HE has to! Don't I feel flattered. Nevertheless, I gave him another pat on the head for good measure and bounced away from him.  
  
"Well," I said brightly, "I'm going to leave you two to reminisce or whatever dead people do, and go away. Bye!"  
  
Without even giving them space to protest, I bounced back into the relative safety of the trees and leaped with all possible speed towards home. Then my mind gave an evil lurch, and I decided that I had been around Wufei for too long. But I went with the idea anyways.  
  
It was time to wreak havoc on some poor, unsuspecting, nameless human.  
  
"Watch out Rei Hino, Usa's comin' to getcha!" I cackled evilly.  
  
I closed my eyes, and reopened them to the familiar shrine steps. I thought for a minute and then snapped. Suddenly I was wearing a kawaii green sundress with black flip flops, and I had long, curly brown hair. I refused to give up my blue eyes though. I loved them too much.  
  
Giggling evilly to myself from time to time, I edged towards the shrine. I had seen a girl that went to Rei's school that looked JUST like who I was now, and I had a le-e-e-eter for Rei!  
  
"Rei-chan! Rei-chan! Rei-chan!"  
  
The black haired priestess poked her head out of the doorway and her face brightened. "Akiko-chan! How are you? What brings you here?"  
  
I paused, wondering briefly how to act. Deciding that it didn't matter, I pretended to be out of breath with exertion and excitement. "Oh, Rei-chan! You'll never believe it!"  
  
Rei's eyes widened. "Nani? Tell me! Tell me now!"  
  
I dropped my voice dramatically, enjoying my effect on the miko. "Suke-kun told me to give this to you!"  
  
Rei's jaw dropped, and she snatched the note from my fingers. Ungrateful brat, I thought venomously. But I kept my smile pasted on, and began to bounce up and down with excitement.  
  
"Read it! Read it! Read it!"  
  
"Okay! It says, "Dear Rei, I don't know if you've noticed, but I think you're beautiful. I---" Rei's voice broke, and she smirked. "I TOLD Minako that I'd get him."  
  
My act almost slipped. Minako? Ah! That was right. Before they nearly killed me, I had overheard them talking about some kind of bet. I had thought then that it was made in good spirits, but it seemed that there was some bitter rivalry going on. Excellent.  
  
"What does it say, Rei-chan?"  
  
She waved it around triumphantly. "It says that he wants to take me to the dance! HA! TAKE THAT, MINAKO!"  
  
I did a little dance, which earned me an odd look. "I'm just so happy for you!" I exclaimed, "This is going to be so great!" I enthused.  
  
Then I felt it. I nearly was blown away by how much his power was raised. I wondered briefly about why he was so angry, and then decided he was looking for me. Damn. I better hide, I thought with a smirk.  
  
"Rei-chan, I have to go! Ja!" I called over my shoulder as I ran from the temple.  
  
As I ran, I quickly shed the disgusting look of Akiko Tarumenseki. I happened to LIKE my blonde hair and my nearly shredded Loki dress. Deciding not to notice the amazed looks I was getting from the people of Tokyo, I ran barefoot down the street. He burst out of an alley right behind me and let out a roar that shook the Earth.  
  
I screamed in terror and took off into the air. Popping back into my forest, I scrambled for the trees before he could catch me. Luck seemed to be on my side. A tree branch jumped up and tripped him, giving me the amount of time I needed to make my escape.  
  
"GET BACK HERE LOKI!"  
  
"NEVER!" I screamed dramatically.  
  
He let out another inhuman roar and exploded into the air with a burst of gold light. Now THAT was kind of scary. I sped up as fast as I could, but I quickly discovered that The Incarnation of War was just a little bit too experienced for me to outrace.  
  
Desperate for any escape, I swooped down low into the depths of Purgatory. My roving eye quickly spotted a large building, and zoomed inside. And stared.  
  
Before me was the oddest sight I had ever seen in my entire life.  
  
Chronos, Ryoga, I reminded myself, was beating on a computer with a stick, shouting incoherently. I edged towards the "conflict" and got another shock. Words like "Pig-boy" and "weakling" were flashing across the screen, usually followed by the word "MUWAHAHAHA!" I couldn't do anything but stare.  
  
"JUST GIVE ME THE NUMBER, FEM-BOY!"  
  
More insults flashed across the screen, followed by maniacal laughter. Ryoga pounded on the screen again, livid with rage. His eyes were wild, and he was spraying spit.  
  
Deciding that it needed to stop, I walked up and tapped Ryoga on the shoulder. "What the hell is going on, Ryo-chan?"  
  
Ryoga froze and looked around furtively. "Well," he explained, "I was coming to ask Ranma for Akane's number, but fem-boy here started up with the insults again."  
  
I raised an eyebrow. "Ranma?"  
  
He nodded, and smirked slightly. "Yeah. Ranma was killed, and when his soul went through here, there was some kind of freak accident, resulting in Ranma merging with the computer. He's perfectly fine with everyone else, he just likes to act up with me," he said petulantly.  
  
"Why? Were you two rivals when you were alive?"  
  
"As if he could ever beat me," the computer snorted.  
  
I almost laughed. Purgatory was just too interesting. Earth paled in comparison. "Well, Ryo-kun, can't you just go ask D-kun for her number? Akane-chan is his secretary, you know."  
  
Ryoga went red. "Oh, I couldn't do that! That would be much too bold of me!"  
  
I sighed. God save us from the innocents. "Well, I'll get the number for you, Ryoga. And Ranma---"  
  
Unfortunately, what I was going to say was cut off by a number of things happening in rapid succession. Duo rose out of the floor right under my feet, I screamed, Wufei and Quatre burst into the room shouting something about a soul that went wrong, Ranma the Computer started blaring his siren, one of the souls to be placed exploded with a violent burst of malevolent energy, and Vegeta blew a hole in the wall still roaring at me.  
  
Would he ever give up?  
  
I roared back at him, and there was complete chaos for a while until Lachesis stepped into the room. Her trained eyes found me, Wufei, Quatre, Ryoga, Duo and Vegeta, and she sighed. She looked at the computer, who was still shrieking, and sighed again.  
  
"I think," she said finally, "that we have a problem."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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Well folks, there you have it. The fourth chapter for LOKI. God, I haven't updated in forever! I just realized how long it's been. I was being all blockish (I'm very depressed about finishing Good Riddance), and suddenly I realized that even I was being a block about Jumping Jim Crow, I was perfectly able to write another chapter of LOKI! YAY! Well. Hope you liked it. It wasn't as long as my chapters usually are, but hey. I haven't done my homework yet, and in three seconds the bonus track of Blink 182 is going to come on after minutes of silence and scare the crap out of me...  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! IT DID IT! OH, THE SHOCK! Anyways. Review, PLEASE! 


	5. Have a Nice Day!

LOKI  
  
.:chapter five:.  
  
This, apparently, was not my day. Well, of course a day couldn't belong to anyone-that would be stupid. But. I was definitely not having a nice day, contrary to what everyone had promised me. "Have a nice day" my ass, I thought ungratefully. Not only was it totally out of line to tell someone to have a nice day after a huge catastrophe, but as soon as that kind of wish is issued, bad times invariably follow.  
  
And follow they did.  
  
I took a steady, deep breath, and prepared to let the driver know exactly what I thought about being driven to a courtroom in the smelly bowels of Purgatory. I had evidently caused a major stir when I had left the "safety" of Purgatory to have my little chat with Rei. But back to my feelings about the courtroom.  
  
"YOU STINKING PIG! LET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!!! I'VE TOLD YOU-"  
  
"Twenty six times, not counting this one, Loki, ma'am," the driver said tiredly. "You've told me."  
  
"WELL I'LL DAMN WELL TELL YOU AGAIN! YOU'RE A LOUSY DRIVER! LOUSY, LOUSY, LOUSY! I'LL BET YOU FAILED DRIVER'S ED FIFTEEN BILLION TIMES!" I screeched, waving my arms wildly as he narrowly avoided hitting several pedestrians.  
  
"SEE WHAT I MEAN??? SEE? SEE? SEE? YOU'RE A MENACE! A DANGER TO SOCIETY! OH MY GOD YOU'RE GOING TO HIT THAT FUNNY LOOKING CAT!"  
  
"THAT'S MY MOTHER!" the driver finally roared.  
  
Pleased that I had finally gotten a reaction out of him, I pressed on. Besides, there was no way he could think a gray and peach cat was his grandmother. Out of line, man. Everyone's out of line, I said sorrowfully to myself.  
  
I pushed aside the horse (which was also in the back of the rather large policemobile) and stomped up to the bars between the back of the policemobile and where the driver was. I was aided along the way by him hitting something in the road, which sent me sprawling forwards and banging my head on the bars.  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!" I howled in his ear.  
  
He shrieked (like a girl, I was NOT surprised to hear) and actually hit the person crossing the street. Livid, the driver spun on me and jabbed two malicious fingers at my eyes. I threw myself backwards and hid my face in the horse's back, shaking in what probably looked like grief (or something like it) to the driver. I struggled desperately to squash my giggles, succeeding only in making myself snort.  
  
The driver removed his hat, ran his fingers through his sweaty hair, swore softly, and stepped out of the car. Maria (which is what I had named the horse) and I watched interestedly as he bent down to see if the person he had run over was still in a state of animation. The person obviously wasn't, because the driver swore again, and I gasped loudly.  
  
"Y. you. you're a MURDERER! MURDER! MURDER!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.  
  
"Shhhhh!!!" he waved his arms frantically at me.  
  
"-UUUUUURRRRRRRDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!" I was still shrieking.  
  
More arm waving accompanied his frantic attempts to calm me down. Maria seemed to take my cue (or maybe his cue-arm waving can be interpreted in several different ways, surprisingly). At any rate, she began to neigh and rear. Her hooves crashed against the metal floor with a terrifically loud. well, a loud crash, and my screams escalated.  
  
Maria reared back up one more time, kicked the door open, and galloped down the handy dandy little ramp she had created, ignoring the muffled shrieks of the man she had crushed with the metal ramp. The horse then paused and looked pointedly at me. I let out an animated whoop and leapfrogged onto her back. She then whinnied, tossed her mane, and began trotting down the road back to the place where I was originally supposed to be-  
  
"Which would NOT be a cool idea, Maria," I warned the horse.  
  
She kept trotting.  
  
I took this as a sign that she knew damn well what she was doing, and didn't particularly care for my advice. Resigned to the fact that horses were obviously more intelligent than humans (I mean, come on. They can get their point across without uttering even one syllable!) I wrapped my arms around her neck and let her take me wherever she wanted.  
  
I woke up some time later to quiet whispers. I snapped fully awake, but suddenly decided not to let them know that I was awake.  
  
"Awwww, she's so cute when she's asleep!" I heard Duo whisper.  
  
"Yes," Quatre agreed, "but she's a complete monster when she's awake. A frightening, moody, malicious, rambunctious monster that likes to distribute hugs freely," he moaned.  
  
"But that's what makes her fun!" Duo exclaimed.  
  
Ryoga sighed. "I have to agree with Duo, Quatre-san. Bunny-"  
  
"IS AWAKE!" Vegeta roared.  
  
My eyes flew open to see him waving his arms in what appeared to be the same manner that the driver had been. The horse had quite intelligently interpreted this signal as a cue to start shrieking and throwing herself around, so I did so.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" I screamed madly and threw myself off the bed and away from the approaching menace.  
  
Thoroughly startled, Vegeta stopped and looked at me in complete shock. I finished counting to thirty (which I assumed was the number of seconds that it had taken Maria to wage her attack) and sat quietly.  
  
Duo, Ryoga, Quatre, and Vegeta stared at me, thunderstruck. "Wha. what the hell was that?" Ryoga demanded.  
  
I shrugged and laid back down with a satisfied sigh. "Veggie-burger waved his arms at me," I explained, sure that they were intelligent enough to know simple hand signals. But then again, they weren't horses, I reminded myself.  
  
"Maria?" Duo asked, curious.  
  
"My horse," I clarified, closing my eyes blissfully. I had just gone through such a terrible ordeal.  
  
"Uh. you haven't become very attached to this horse, have you?" Ryoga asked tremblingly.  
  
I detected something in his voice that made me sit up and skewer him with an Evil Eye. "Why do you ask?" I demanded, getting slowly to my feet.  
  
Quatre clasped his hands. "The horse, Loki, is a criminal, and was sent back the way it came- I'm afraid that justice must be dealt, which means that the horse will be-"  
  
"Maria's a *criminal*? Are you *listening* to yourself? A CRIMINAL? SHE'S A BLOODY HORSE! WHAT THE HELL COULD SHE HAVE DONE?" I shrieked at him, my eyes bulging.  
  
Quatre shifted uncomfortably, and then looked pleadingly at the others. Duo simply stared blandly at the angel, while Ryoga allowed himself a tiny smile.  
  
"Go on, Q-man," Duo said encouragingly, "tell the nice lady why you sent her horse to jail."  
  
The blood drained slowly from Quatre's face, which made me feel somewhat better. As long as someone else was suffering from the loss of my horse, I was alright. And Quatre.. I would never be able to forgive him, of course. But there was still one question on my mind.  
  
"Why the hell is a bloody horse in Purgatory anyways?" I demanded.  
  
Vegeta grunted and shifted his weight. "He was Satan's horse, and therefore one hundred percent evil. But he did an annoyingly good thing- mainly posing as the Pegasus Elios, and helping you and your brat out during those glitter throwing battles of yours."  
  
My jaw dropped. "Elios is a *girl*?" I asked in horror. SHE HAD BEEN HITTING ON MY DAUGHTER! HOW WRONG WAS THAT? WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!!! AND CHIBIUSA HAD WANTED TO MARRY HER! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
"Loki!" Ryoga said in alarm, "don't worry! You just got the gender wrong and named a guy horse Maria-don't worry! Elios is a guy, and your daughter was NOT in love with a girl."  
  
"Oh, good," I said in relief. "Of course now that I don't technically *have* a daughter, I shouldn't even be worrying about it, now, should I?"  
  
Quatre coughed delicately. I turned my head and stared at him unblinkingly. Evidently someone had named him "Bearer of Bad News" while I had been asleep. How convenient. It was always so much easier to beat up on the good guys. "Miss Loki, your daughter is still living. You technically aren't allowed to see your future, so your daughter was actually sent from the future from another reality."  
  
I felt my eyes blink very, very slowly as my mind tried to wade its way through the unfortunate mess of my circumstances. So Chibiusa was still alive. She was in love with a horse named Maria. Maria was on her-- *his*, I corrected myself, way to prison.  
  
"Oh crap," I said, seeing my short-lived life pass before my eyes. I jumped up and began sprinting towards the door, and then had a thought. I had always been taught to murder those who delivered bad news. With this thought grasped firmly in my dirty paws, I spun around, reached out, grabbed Quatre by the neck of his pristine white dress, and vanished.  
  
"Wow," I enthused, "I didn't even know I could do that! Wasn't that the coolest thing, Quatre-kun?" I said with a malicious little grin in his direction.  
  
Said angel was lying face down spread-eagle on the ground, muttering something that sounded a whole lot like a Latin prayer. I snorted and tiptoed over to him. I crouched down and put my lips right by his ear.  
  
"Oh Quaaaaatreeeee," I cooed.  
  
With a truly terrific howl, he jerked away from me, hit his head on a rock that was conveniently located next to him, howled again, and scrambled to his feet, jabbing a malevolent finger at me.  
  
"You fiend! You've already taken Satan's side, haven't you? YOU HAVE!!! Don't even try to deny it, you evil demonic woman! Born evil, raised evil, and you will die evil! Evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, evil!" he chanted, rocking back and forth.  
  
I folded my arms and looked at him crossly. "Well you may have a valid point. At the rate you're going I'd pick Wuffers over you at any time. Anyways, since you felt the need to dish out unnecessary justice, you're going to help me get my horse back. Is there a convenience store anywhere around here?"  
  
He sighed shakily, and pointed down the road. "Corner 306th and Bones," he said glumly. I must have looked surprised, because then he proceeded to explain to me exactly why there were more than a million streets-- there were really a lot of people with perfectly split souls, and since they all needed somewhere to be, a city was eventually built. And the city (Purgatory, although the entire world was named the same thing) grew to accommodate the souls.  
  
This, however, didn't concern me in the slightest. What concerned me was getting to that store, and then exacting my revenge not only on Quatre, but on the people that wanted me in jail as well. Hella fun!  
  
So, my plan was to simply fly there, buy what I needed, and hightail it to the local jail. Hmmm. But could Quatre fly? I knew angels were required to have wings, but Quatre was a very new angel..  
  
"Can you fly, loser?"  
  
"What did you call me?" he demanded angrily.  
  
"Oh," I said waving my hand airily, "nothing. Can you fly?"  
  
Quatre huffed indignantly. "Of course," he said with a decidedly affronted expression.  
  
I pushed gently off the ground, wafting higher and higher into the air. "Well come on then," I said impatiently. "WE HAVE A HORSE TO SAVE!" I yelled dramatically, thrusting my fist into the air.  
  
Grumbling angrily, Quatre floated up after me, cheeks burning. This sparked my curiosity. Why the hell was he blushing? It made no sense- unless he was blushing because he had no wings..  
  
"Feather boy! Hurry it up! We have to save my horse! Up, up, and AWAY!" I bellowed, shooting off in the wide blue yonder. Wide gray yonder, actually. Seemed that smog plagued big cities even in the afterlife.  
  
"Alright, Quatre," I whispered. "See that bucket, there?"  
  
"Well, we *are* crouching right in front of it, Loki."  
  
"Yes, well, go with me here. I'm going to distract the clerk. You're going to grab the bucket and run like all get out, ok?"  
  
Quatre looked at me disapprovingly.  
  
"Oh, right," I said quickly. "So you'll grab the bucket and *fly* like all get out, okay?"  
  
"Loki," he finally burst out, "that's *stealing*! You're already wanted for going down to earth while your status is in question! You'll be wanted for theft, too! And me! I'll have a criminal record!"  
  
"Poo," I said cheerfully, waving a hand at him. "On the count of three. One, two, three!"  
  
Right after I shouted "three", I exploded out from behind the shelf, threw myself over the counter, tackled the clerk, and proceeded to tickle him mercilessly. He roared with laughter, kicking and writhing beneath me. All the while I was cackling madly. I really do enjoy making people laugh with pain/pleasure. What a joy!  
  
Imagine my surprise, then, when the man flipped me over and trapped my arms above my head. My eyes went wide as saucers.  
  
"Oh shit," I muttered, tugging uselessly at my wrists.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he growled.  
  
I had two choices. I could either say something so stunningly intelligent that he was awed by my intellect, or I could bite his nose. My eyes went to his nose, and I considered this. He had a very cute nose. On the other hand, if I was to bite his nose he might think that I was making a move on him. So in order to make him understand that I was, in fact, trying to escape, I'd have to nearly bite his nose clear off. Not only would that be a sad waste of his cute nose, it would be disgusting and bloody.  
  
"I've called the police," he said amicably. "So, while we wait, what's your name?"  
  
"Loki," I muttered darkly.  
  
His eyes widened. "The Loki? As in the Incarnation of Mischief and Mayhem? As in the one who single-handedly thwarted Satan's plot to kill the world's superheroes?"  
  
"Obviously not," I said sourly. "Number one, I was a superhero, and am obviously not dead. Number two, Wuffers is my buddy, and I'd probably be forced to help him at least a little bit. Number three, I have been told repeatedly that I am completely different than the previous Loki, although I haven't the faintest idea why. Did you know that the cause of death for five out of every five smokers is death?"  
  
Then I bit his nose.  
  
He yelped and rolled off of me, clutching at his nose. I flashed a quite lovely smile at him, wriggled my fingers prettily, and then zoomed out of the store with a whoop. Ah, what fun! What supreme and utter amusement! And I got to bite his nose! WHEE!  
  
"Ya-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I sang loudly as I cart-wheeled through the sky.  
  
Then suddenly I ran into something. A shadow fell over me, and I looked up nervously. There, standing before me, was the guy from the store. His nose had slight impressions left by my teeth, and he looked very upset, which was understandable.  
  
"Heh heh heh. heya, pal!" I said weakly.  
  
Quatre suddenly appeared beside me. "Loki, I don't want to ever do that ever- eep!" he squeaked.  
  
"Oh, that squeak was so cute!" I exclaimed. "Oh hey. Trunks," I said with a quick glance at his nametag, "I'd really love to stay and fight or whatever it is you want me to do, but I have to get to the jail to free my horse and then get back to the forest because I think Veggie wants to kill me or something. No offence, but the concept of being attacked by Vegeta- kun is really one I can handle. You're a total stranger and I've just bitten your nose, so I don't really think that I could stand to fight you right now. So, Quatre and I will be off, then!"  
  
With that speech delivered, I kicked my legs up and let myself drop. Quatre stared down at my rapidly retreating head, and then suddenly realized that I had grabbed his foot. He rolled his eyes heavenward, and then was yanked after me.  
  
I flipped in midair, set my eyes on the jail, and blasted towards that. My cheeks began to flap as I picked up speed, and my skin felt like it was going to peel backwards over my head. And then I went faster. The roof of the jail came into view, and I let out an ear piercing screech as we cannonballed through the roof and into the jail.  
  
I jumped up instantly, completely ignored Trunks, who had followed me in, and raced over to the cell where they were keeping Maria. The horse, upon seeing me, raised an eyebrow. I, of course, was quite taken aback by this, since I hadn't known previously that horses were even capable of facial expression. But really, I shouldn't have been surprised. I mean, horses were the most intelligent creatures ever- so why should I be surprised that they had hidden, secret capabilities?  
  
"Hey horsey, I've come to save you!" I informed it merrily.  
  
He made a loud, distinctly insulting noise at me. I narrowed my eyes. "Well I'd like to see you get out without my help! Ha, take that, jerk! Now where are the keys.?"  
  
Quatre sighed heavily. "Right here, miss Loki. You landed on the guard when you fell in."  
  
I whirled and beamed at the sullen blonde. "Thanks so much, Quat-kun! Throw them here!" I cried.  
  
With a jingle and a toss, the keys to Maria's freedom were in my hands. I waved them at Maria, who followed their movement with two baleful eyes.  
  
"Heehee, you know what this means, doncha? Well, we're going to have to make a deal. I know you probably don't like me very much, but if you want to be freed, you're going to have to agree to some terms."  
  
The eyes ceased to be baleful and became hugely malignant.  
  
"My daughter is a stuck up little priss. I want you to shake her out of it. In fact, bring her here to visit. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that any offspring of mine could ever be so prissy. I also want to punish my other self for having anything to do with that jerk Mamoru. Deal?"  
  
Horse eyes stared into my own, and then filled with humor. Apparently Elios Maria accepted this deal as what it really was- Chibiusa's liberation and one hell of a good time. Maria nodded his head twice and neighed an agreement. I clapped my hands in delight and stuck the key in the lock, and then paused.  
  
"And annoy my mother for me, will ya?"  
  
Another neigh. My face crinkled up in a wide smile, and I unlocked the door. Maria galloped out of the cell, practically glowing with victory and everything good like that. Then I realized that he actually *was* glowing with a real, honest to god horsey blue light. And sprouting wings. And then he disappeared.  
  
I smiled victoriously and turned around to Quatre. "Ah, now wasn't that fun? Now we just need to do one more thing.."  
  
Later that night, after having studiously avoided Vegeta once I got back to the god part of Purgatory, I kicked back in my little tree hut and turned on my little radio to hear the news. There was only a bitty part that interested me, and I had been waiting all night to hear it.  
  
".reporting from Purgatory City Prison, I'm Selma Blair. In a shocking event that leaves many of us hurting, Elios, a horse jailed for the constant abuse of City Limit Laws, which basically means that he went and visited people on Earth without being accompanied by an Incarnation. Well, he was helped to escape by the Incarnation of Mayhem, Loki, and, surprisingly enough, the angel Quatre, who is a recently deceased Gundam pilot. In related news, the judge can't get out of his bed or his professional robes, due to a gallon of superglue which was poured into his bed sometime yesterday.. We were, unfortunately, prevented from interviewing him because the same prankster glued his ugly-- *cough*-- I mean powdered wig to his face. Well, that's it, except for that I want to say something. GO LOKI! YOU ARE MY HERO! YOU ARE THE COOLEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO PURGATORY!!! Hey- what are you doing here? No, it wasn't in my notes to say that. It was personal! What? Get away! GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME! NOOOOOOO! I WILL BE HEARD!!!! I WILL-"  
  
Laughing hysterically, I snapped the radio off and fell of the bed, filled with laughter. Trunks, who had followed me home for some reason, looked at me warily.  
  
"Loki, are you feeling alright?"  
  
I exhaled heavily and grinned up at him. "Sure thing, sweetie. I'm fine. I just love hearing about myself on the news. It was a bit different when I was Sailor Moon, but whatever. Hey Trunksie-poo, do you want to play a little trick on one of the two surviving Gundam pilots?"  
  
His eyebrows knitted together. "Yeah, sure, I guess," he said with a shrug.  
  
I giggled and dove under my bed. "C'mere," I yelled. "This," I said proudly once he had slithered under the bed after me, "is my secret lab," I said waving a hand at the massive tree trunk, which had been hollowed out. Trunks, quite predictably, looked considerably startled.  
  
"Yes, this is my lab." Then I held up a piece of paper. "And *this*," I said with an evil grin, "is an e-mail address."  
  
~*~  
  
WHEEEEEE!!!! I updated! Finally! Whoopee, you guys! Hope this chapter lives up to all of your expectations... *shivers at all the expecting readers* Brrr.. Terrifying. Loki's adventures continue! Yay for Loki! And you guys, seriously. If you have any suggestions as to what the hell I can do with this (specifically who she should end up with and what the bad guy should do (if anything)). PLEASE!  
  
And. and. if you're a nutter about romantic comics like I am. I have recently discovered "Mars" by Fuyumi Soryo, and "Paradise Kiss" by Ai Yazawa. Oooooooh my god! Those comics are so. fucking. good.. *faints*  
  
Love you guys!!!!!!  
  
~Crazy_gurl70 (whose name is actually Lily!!! YAAY!!! Lily the Pirate! Arrrrrgggggg!) 


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